i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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