he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
