I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize