1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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