I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Randomize
