the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
