Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
