would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize