Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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