I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This is the high leading the old right now
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
