He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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