these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
