Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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