You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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