So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
