I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
