I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
