remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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