I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
