Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
