Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
