Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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