Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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