Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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