i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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