i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
