In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
and eventually we just all took our pants off
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
