Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize