we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
