I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you inspire me to be a worse person
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
