If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
