Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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