i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
