Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
