You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
