I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
