literally had 100 drinks last night.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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