Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
