Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize