So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
