I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
