so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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