i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
