Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
