I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
