Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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