If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
