sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
