i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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