I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
