About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Come see our sink grown plant.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
