Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
