she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
