so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
