my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
