Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
