Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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