i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
