Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
