If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
