forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
