I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
