he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
