smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
