I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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