i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
