The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
