Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
