areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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