I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
