I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
