I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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