When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
