she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
