I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
